Gender Ender

by Kids' Table

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03:15
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03:05
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02:54
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04:06
7.
04:20

about

The debut album of Kids' Table!! We are three queer siblings who believe in the power of music as a safe space. We made this album with the hopes that it will inspire other queer kids to express themselves and follow their dreams. We are Kids' Table and we love you <3

credits

released June 2, 2017

All songs written by Kids' Table
Kids' Table is:
Saturn - Guitar, vocals
Hannah - Drums
Steph - Bass, vocals, keys, glockenspiel

Recorded and engineered by Pa (DC-PDX)

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about

Kids' Table Portland, Oregon

Three queer sibs on a mission to end your local gender

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Track Name: J2
Finding, finding out who you truly are truly are
Think back to when you were young you thought you had it all figured out but
Who you thought you were then
Is not who you are now and
Who you are now is not who you will be ten years from now

We're not the same as we used to be but maybe we could find something to reconnect on
Maybe three years from now when we lose that one we'll talk because we're afraid
We both had the same feelings that he did
And we could do what he did
And I'm afraid that I'll lose you
He'll push you a little too far and then you'll cut it off
You'll cut it all off
And I'll never get to see you again

Finding, finding out who you truly are
Maybe we'll never find out
Maybe we're no one maybe we're everyone
Everyone
But I'm not sure we'll ever know
And then we're gone
And then we're gone
And then we're gone
And then we're
We're gone
Why are you gone
Where have you gone
Where have you gone
Where have you gone

Cause I just wanna see you again
And I'll never get to see you again
Track Name: Say Goodbye
I don’t really wanna leave but I can’t see myself staying
I wish I knew how to make up my mind
I know that you’re lying but I don’t know how to call you out
I hope you’re happy with yourself this time

So if you’re staying
Please stay a while
But if you’re leaving please
Just say goodbye

What’s the point in make-believe if it won’t ever make you happy
Maybe you just need some time on your own
I know these times are tough, yeah, twenty-something life is rough
I wish I knew what to do with my life

So if you know
Please tell me why
But if you don’t please
Just say goodbye

So if you’re staying
Please stay a while
But if you’re leaving please
Just say goodbye
Track Name: Tambourine Song
I was never good at making friends
But I can sing about how that never ends
And people love me anyway
Even though I’m so insecure
I can’t fucking stand straight

Bury me in the sound
Drown me in the notes
Play so loud I can’t hear anymore
Drown me in your notes

Soothing words around my mind
Finding things beyond what I can find
Picture frames my hands phase through
Loving the things that are lost in you
And I hang on to every word
Feeling so much emotion it is frankly absurd

Bury me in the sound
Drown me in your notes
Play so loud I can’t hear anymore
Drown me in your notes

The fact that my safe place
Is not a real place
Is so bittersweet
I can take it anywhere I go but
I will never be within
I fantasize about drowning in it
Or unlocking a door that takes me into the melody
But these dreams have no anchor in reality

So bury me in the sound
Drown me in you notes
Play so loud I can’t hear anymore
Drown me in the notes
Drown me in your notes
Drown me in your notes
Track Name: Dirty Nails
I'm trapped again, in this hole of despair
Please find a way, to get me out of here
I know, it's not that easy
I know, I know, it's not that easy

We tried a rope but it just broke off
Tried a ladder, didn't reach far enough
Is there a way to get me out of here
Is there a way

We'll find a way, we'll find a way
We'll find a way, we'll find a way

Don't worry, I'll be just fine
You know me, I'll stay in line
I'll get things done, from all the way down here
And for me, the road is so clear

I'll find a way, I'll find a way
I'll find a way, I'll find a way

I've had a realization
Now theres nothing to worry about
I've thought a lot about it and
I'll have to climb my own wayyyy out

I found a way, I found a waaaaaayyy
I found a way, I found a way
Track Name: My Life As An Existential Nightmare
I had a dream, I had a dream, I had a dream
An existential nightmare if you will
It lingered with me all day
It would not leave my brain
Should I say 'cause maybe you'll change your mind
Or do I stay silent because
Maybe I'm the reason you decide
But who'd want to know
How they die

I had a dream, I had a dream
Where the world was ending
And as the moon grew closer to the earth
I had no doubt that you'd stay with me
You held me close to the very end
And when I awoke, I couldn't breathe
Because now I know how it feels
To die

And I had a dream, I had a dream
Where my parents thought I'd fail
I had a dream where I could never find the trail
I had a dream where no one could hear me
And I had a dream where
Everyone laughed at me
I had a dream where I finally met you
I had a dream, I had a dream
Where I did not have to let you go
'Cause who'd want to let
You go
Track Name: Control
I know your fear
I’ve felt it before
It emanates static from my core
It keeps me in the house all day
It rips my livelihood away
It tells me I’m not good enough
It plays with my mind a bit too rough
It chews me up and spits me out
It claims my brain for fear and self-doubt

If you wanna know me
Talk to me first
If you wanna love me
Know I’m cursed
If you wanna hate me
Might as well run
If you wanna save me
It can’t be done

For years I thought this monster
Had a hold of me
That I could never be what I wanna be
I bottled myself up
And didn’t tell a soul
Until I finally realized
I am in control!

If you wanna know me
Talk to me first
If you wanna love me
Know I’m cursed
If you wanna hate me
Might as well run
If you wanna save me
It can’t be done

No one person can ever really fix you
You have to look inside and find the real you
I didn’t realize till I was grown
But you just gotta do some things on your own

If you wanna know me
Talk to me first
If you wanna love me
Know I’m cursed
If you wanna hate me
Might as well run
If you wanna save me
It can’t be done

If you wanna know me
Talk to me first
If you wanna love me
Know I’m cursed
If you wanna hate me
Might as well run
If you wanna save me
I’m the only one

If you wanna save me
I’m the only one
Track Name: Gender Ender
What happens to the kids who don’t turn out how you want them to be
Do we shove them into closets or do we keep them
Out of our streets
What happens when they grow up into something we have
Not seen before
What happens when I finally figure out
Who I am inside?

And I’m so sick of binaries
Trying to keep me in my place
Maybe someday everything will change

I’ll be free to be me
Regardless of the contents of my pants
You’ll see me
For what I like and who I am
And if you think I’m a boy or girl
Then you should just remember
I’m the gender ender
Yeah I’m the gender ender

I put on a dress
Cause it made me look good on the outside
So I left the house
And it made me feel bad on the inside
Cause what I see in the mirror
Is so different from what they see
And what they see
Is so different from what they think they’re supposed to

And we’re all sick of binaries
Meant to keep us in our place
But I know that we can make the change

We’ll be free as we can be
Regardless of the contents of our pants
Everyone will see
But for now you’re doing the best that you can
And if someone misgenders you
And you need a defender
Call me
Cause I’m the gender ender